Offering my services for a lady that is under medication and shouldn't even get behind the wheel of a vehicle is my concern. I have seen the affects of percocet and how unbelievable strong they are. The minute youre talking, next thing you know you're knocked out. And that's serious! You don't want to knock out while driving. That's considered driving under the influence and wreckless driving to not only your self, but especially to others being pedestrians or your fellow drivers on the road. So being the good friend that I am, I go out of my way to make sure that everything is ok, that transportation is arranged, that her safety is important. I hate talking about it in a friend's standpoint, but that's all I can do at this point. For Jaina, I would still do anything for her. Why? Because when you care about someone that's all you want to do.
I'm pondering a possible tattoo somewhere on my back or rib cage, or possibly both. I think it's about time for 1 or 2. To my friend Ulster, we will hang out soon my brotha. And for Lent, I gave up watching television. It's very difficult because people around me watch TV so I catch glimpses. Not that I'm trying to, it's just instinct. Anyhow, I would just like to thank the Lord for getting me through the pain I have been feeling and the situations I have been dealing with. There's much in life I have yet to experience.
I may get myself a puppy today, who knows. I'm going to be honest, I'm a bit lonely and having a pet will give me something to do. Occupy my time to nuture a man's best friend. It'll be a challenge, but a great challenge. It'll be fun!
Waiting for the wind to blow me away.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
A Day of Gratitude
So I started the day off on a good foot. I promised Jaina, well I offered to change her oil in her car because well, she needs it and so does the car. Today she was off on surgery, so I wanted to clean her car up while she was gone. I performed a quick oil change followed by a thorough vacuum and wipe down. There were tons of trash laying around in her car, so I cleaned it up. As I vacuumed her carpets I noticed that they were still dirty, so I did some deep cleaning with a carpet cleaner that I had and vacuumed them dry. After that, I decided to wash her car. I then waxed her car. I finished up by shining her tires. Her sub wasn't working for awhile, so I taped up the wires a little bit and fixed it right up. Now it's up and running and ready to be bumped with some music.
After all that hardwork, I took a much needed shower as I was getting ready to get some things for Jaina. I stopped by the bank after my shower to pull out some money. I bought Jaina a get well card from Hallmark, and was debating on getting her flowers. But I knew people were going to get her some, so I decided to be different and put money to good use and be more practical. So I stopped by Mileage in Pacific Beach to get her some heels. I found a pair of High Heels black crock. I thought they would be a little pricey, but they were suprisingly $15. So I snagged them and headed out to Facevalue. Today was the final day the store would be open, and Im glad I went. I said goodbye to a great friend, my buddy Shane, but I'll be stopping by the store one final time to pick up some goods from him. I purchased a dope Ludwig jacket for $70 and some Kreed shades for $10! I wish I could buy more gear and upgrade my closet game. Friday, I'll be getting a pair of Common Projects BBall low's in white. I'm getting a great deal that I'll keep as a secret.
After talking with Shane for about a good hour and a half, I returned to Mira Mesa to drop off Jaina's car. Oh yeah, I also added gas to her empty car. Well I dropped her car off and Jaina's dad and Rocky were outside. I think Jaina's dad mowed the lawn because I noticed that while pulling in, the lawn was watered. I asked if I could come in and drop my get well card and present to her. I gave her the card and shoes, and she was stoked that they weren't flowers. And that was my main point of getting her shoes instead of flowers. You can't wear flowers, but you can wear shoes. I also wanted to check up on her and see how she was doing. We chatted for a little bit and everything went well. She asked me if I could walk Rocky, so I happily took him out. He took his usual large poopoo while on his walk. Jaina's dad wanted me to stay for dinner, so I did. I couldn't refuse his cooking, and boy how I missed it. We had fried chicken with salted eggs and steamed broccoli and opo. Food was so delicious that I wanted to eat more, but I didn't want to be too heavy because I had a basketball game. Well I had a tough game, scoring 4 points. But I had some crucial defensive stops at the end. The game was tied and our opponent had a final shot, but I was able to block it to send it into overtime. We ended up winning by one in overtime thanks to Shaun's free throw called before time ran out.
We played horrible, but still ended up with a victory. After my game, I wanted to check up on Jaina to see if she was ok. I felt bad because everyone was hitting her up, but I promised that I would call and check her status. So today is Fat Tuesday, but I don't want to go out. I would rather chill and relax than drink, get drunk, spend money and get out of control. I can't do that especially in this economical crisis. People don't realize how bad our economy is financially. We spend so much time partying that we forget about it. And for some people that's the idea, they don't want to think about it.
But I'll be staying in tonight to rest up and get up for church in the morning because its Ash Wednesday. So what should I give up? Sex like Josh Hartnet in 40 Days and 40 Nights, drinking, watching tv? I think I'll give up something a little challenging. I will avoid watching television and sink my heads in books followed by workout sessions. I think its time to facilitate a new me and work towards a new beginning.
As Ash Wednesday approaches, I am thankful for such a great day. I am in God's hands now and he will lead me to whatever he has in store for me. Thank you lord for sticking with me through my pain.
Pain is love, and vice versa.
After all that hardwork, I took a much needed shower as I was getting ready to get some things for Jaina. I stopped by the bank after my shower to pull out some money. I bought Jaina a get well card from Hallmark, and was debating on getting her flowers. But I knew people were going to get her some, so I decided to be different and put money to good use and be more practical. So I stopped by Mileage in Pacific Beach to get her some heels. I found a pair of High Heels black crock. I thought they would be a little pricey, but they were suprisingly $15. So I snagged them and headed out to Facevalue. Today was the final day the store would be open, and Im glad I went. I said goodbye to a great friend, my buddy Shane, but I'll be stopping by the store one final time to pick up some goods from him. I purchased a dope Ludwig jacket for $70 and some Kreed shades for $10! I wish I could buy more gear and upgrade my closet game. Friday, I'll be getting a pair of Common Projects BBall low's in white. I'm getting a great deal that I'll keep as a secret.
After talking with Shane for about a good hour and a half, I returned to Mira Mesa to drop off Jaina's car. Oh yeah, I also added gas to her empty car. Well I dropped her car off and Jaina's dad and Rocky were outside. I think Jaina's dad mowed the lawn because I noticed that while pulling in, the lawn was watered. I asked if I could come in and drop my get well card and present to her. I gave her the card and shoes, and she was stoked that they weren't flowers. And that was my main point of getting her shoes instead of flowers. You can't wear flowers, but you can wear shoes. I also wanted to check up on her and see how she was doing. We chatted for a little bit and everything went well. She asked me if I could walk Rocky, so I happily took him out. He took his usual large poopoo while on his walk. Jaina's dad wanted me to stay for dinner, so I did. I couldn't refuse his cooking, and boy how I missed it. We had fried chicken with salted eggs and steamed broccoli and opo. Food was so delicious that I wanted to eat more, but I didn't want to be too heavy because I had a basketball game. Well I had a tough game, scoring 4 points. But I had some crucial defensive stops at the end. The game was tied and our opponent had a final shot, but I was able to block it to send it into overtime. We ended up winning by one in overtime thanks to Shaun's free throw called before time ran out.
We played horrible, but still ended up with a victory. After my game, I wanted to check up on Jaina to see if she was ok. I felt bad because everyone was hitting her up, but I promised that I would call and check her status. So today is Fat Tuesday, but I don't want to go out. I would rather chill and relax than drink, get drunk, spend money and get out of control. I can't do that especially in this economical crisis. People don't realize how bad our economy is financially. We spend so much time partying that we forget about it. And for some people that's the idea, they don't want to think about it.
But I'll be staying in tonight to rest up and get up for church in the morning because its Ash Wednesday. So what should I give up? Sex like Josh Hartnet in 40 Days and 40 Nights, drinking, watching tv? I think I'll give up something a little challenging. I will avoid watching television and sink my heads in books followed by workout sessions. I think its time to facilitate a new me and work towards a new beginning.
As Ash Wednesday approaches, I am thankful for such a great day. I am in God's hands now and he will lead me to whatever he has in store for me. Thank you lord for sticking with me through my pain.
Pain is love, and vice versa.
Being Humble
No one catches the frustration on my face, the pain in my heart, the tears from my eyes. My emotions define who I am and the person I will become. Grown men shouldn't cry, and even through these rough times, the only way I can go is up. Living through pain is apart of life and as people disappear -- in and out of your life -- you must move on. Thus, I keep myself level headed and take everything with precaution. Life is too precious to throw away. So there's no reason to be mad except upon myself, but even the negativity towards myself makes me emotional and ponder on what could have been. So I stay humble and positive because there's no time for it. Being happy and humble is the key to longevity.
I pray to you Lord that you'll get me through each day, and keep me a level headed human-being. If I die before I wake, I know that it'll be my time to go. Thank you Lord for giving me life!
I pray to you Lord that you'll get me through each day, and keep me a level headed human-being. If I die before I wake, I know that it'll be my time to go. Thank you Lord for giving me life!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Living Through Life
It's hard to keep my composure, my cool. My swag is out of wack, lost, no where to be found. My heart is heavy, emotional, full of heartache. My eyes are glossy, exhausted, full of tears. Contemplating on what could of been, regreting all the mishaps, mistakes, life mistakes. Focused...more like losing focus. I'm losing more than focus, I'm losing myself. My body is empty, no skeleton, no brain, no heart. I am a lost soul in search for another. But heartache is just overpowering. I lost my confidence, my balance, my happiness, my passion, my everything. I close my eyes hoping I don't wake up, but I'm still alive. My sky used to be filled with sunshine, but now nothing but clouds filled with never-ending rain. Remembering the pain, escaping the pain, forgetting but never forgetting the pain.
Realize what you do before you do what you do.
Heart broken lost soul.
Realize what you do before you do what you do.
Heart broken lost soul.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
The Father Figure I Was Missing
Even though Jaina and I are no longer together, and chances as of now getting back together are unlikely, but possibly in the future we'll get back, you never know. I'm still young and she's still young and we have a lot of figuring out to do. Jaina's dad talked to me earlier today about our break-up and how its affecting me. And if it wasn't for his words of wisdom, I don't think I could really get through all of the bottled up emotions that I've kept inside. He really re-established ME, and what I need to do. I mean, I never really had a dad that I could talk to like that. He welcomes me into his home even though Jaina and I are no longer together, offers me to come by when there's family parties, invites me over to dinner, take Rocky for walks. He even gave me advice about school or if I didn't think school was for me, other options of jobs. He told me the jobs that he thought were logical, and I agree that staying with immigration, homeland security and medical fields are the way to go. He makes me feel like I'm apart of the family. He's honestly the dad I wish I had. I tear up everytime I think about it because I never had that father figure. It just feels good to hear that from someone very important to me. I will never forget anything he says and the times Jaina and I have had together. But its time to move forwards and learn from my mistakes. Thank you uncle, you are the dad I was always missing from my life. If you were not there, I would not know how reconnect with the world and with myself. And Jaina, you don't know how lucky you are to have a dad like that.
I really appreciate all of your talks we had. Thank you.
I really appreciate all of your talks we had. Thank you.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The Beginning of the End
Life is always changing, and for me it's not in a good way. I began the year as a single man. And the way I think about that is I (excuse my language) fucked up and lost the biggest catch ever. She was definitely a fish that should have been kept. There's a really high chance that I will never have another opportunity to get back with her, so I'll let her do her and I'll do me. What more can I do except be patient and hope for the best. Maybe it's another opportunity of life for me. I'm a little...more say disappointed in myself that I let this happen. Now I'm left in the dust letting some other person smack on my former girl.
Things like that haunt the shit out of me, but what can I do when a person doesn't want to listen about what you have to say. I'm an embarrassment in life and I need to get my act together. There's nothing more, how should I say this...disrespectful than being called a jerk, an embarrassment, so on and so forth.
So where do I go from here? Try to move on and forget about the past because that's long gone. If she wants to move forward with her life, I'll let her be and keep out of her privacy because that's how I would like it. And as for me? I lost my love of my life and it'll be really hard for me to move on. So what should I do? I'm just going to soak everything in and try to refocus. Now is not the time to be having a girlfriend and I need to get my priorities straight.
If I hadn't have gotten a girlfriend, I would have been done with college already and gotten a job out of this state. Don't get me wrong, I love Cali, but there are bigger and better opportunities of the state, and not to mention the experience you can obtain. I went from trying to become a physical therapist into become a sports med doctor. My goal in life is to help people, and that's what I love to do. I take pride in what I'm going to do and I'm striving to be the best!
I hate to say it, but women, I'm a single man!
This time, I'm ready for anything!
Things like that haunt the shit out of me, but what can I do when a person doesn't want to listen about what you have to say. I'm an embarrassment in life and I need to get my act together. There's nothing more, how should I say this...disrespectful than being called a jerk, an embarrassment, so on and so forth.
So where do I go from here? Try to move on and forget about the past because that's long gone. If she wants to move forward with her life, I'll let her be and keep out of her privacy because that's how I would like it. And as for me? I lost my love of my life and it'll be really hard for me to move on. So what should I do? I'm just going to soak everything in and try to refocus. Now is not the time to be having a girlfriend and I need to get my priorities straight.
If I hadn't have gotten a girlfriend, I would have been done with college already and gotten a job out of this state. Don't get me wrong, I love Cali, but there are bigger and better opportunities of the state, and not to mention the experience you can obtain. I went from trying to become a physical therapist into become a sports med doctor. My goal in life is to help people, and that's what I love to do. I take pride in what I'm going to do and I'm striving to be the best!
I hate to say it, but women, I'm a single man!
This time, I'm ready for anything!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Imperfection vs. Perfection
I realize that I will never be perfect, even though I strive for perfection. People make mistakes, and even if you try to fix whats right, you don't want to be acknowledged for it. But life is not an easy task as people take it for granted. Appreciate all the good things life has to offer you because they can disappear right before your eyes. Disappointment is what I'm feeling inside and I will never forgive myself. Maybe I shouldn't be so down on myself, but I should. Maybe I'll discuss with you why I'm acting in such a way...some time in the near future.
I don't know where I'll be in the future, but all I know is that Sports Medicine is in my veins. I live and breathe it, and till I become a doctor, I will truly be satisfied and feel accomplished. You make mistakes in life and corrections have to be made.
The only thing that's keeping me sane is basketball. Where I would be without you...probably be on the streets right now, without a future to look forward to.
Life is not to be treated lightly.
I don't know where I'll be in the future, but all I know is that Sports Medicine is in my veins. I live and breathe it, and till I become a doctor, I will truly be satisfied and feel accomplished. You make mistakes in life and corrections have to be made.
The only thing that's keeping me sane is basketball. Where I would be without you...probably be on the streets right now, without a future to look forward to.
Life is not to be treated lightly.
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