All Is Not Lost

I have to admit, I have been pretty miserable these past two days, and come to think about it, I could never really last long with breaks. It's just hard for me to adapt from being constantly together, then to not see her or say, "I love you!", or give hugs and kisses. But everything is ok now. I talked to Jaina about a half an hour before this post and I told her everything that I had on my mind. And I'm glad that I did that because now, my mind feels a bit more free. I realized that everything that went bad was because of me. I have said and done the stupidest things that caused our first break up, and that didn't end up too well. I ended up failing almost every course that I took during that semester. I was just so depressed for the remaining year; it happened last year. And now that it was a new year, I completely blanked my mind out from everything that happened last year and I wanted to start off nice and fresh. But a couple of months into it, she wasn't happy. Just me doing this, me doing that. It just seems that everything I do isn't enough for her. I'm not sure what to do. All I can do is just express how much she means to me, and how much I want to spend my life with her.

But worst came to worst and she just couldn't take it. Honestly, she's right. We do need a break. And I'm just pushing her to take me back because I'm afraid that there might not be a next time. I truly want to be with her for the rest of my life, and if this is the only way that I could prove to her that this time will be different, then I shall do whatever it takes to have her back in my life. To get settle things down in my dilemma, I have resorted to the BIBLE. I have been reading the BIBLE on my iPhone, which is great because it's compatible and I'm always on that piece of technology. I'm just hooked like a fish, or a cigarette smoker, or alcoholic; well you know what I mean. Anyways, I have began reading from Genesis, and I'm currently on the 4th chapter. Man, I love my iPhone.



Anyway, this break up is not totally a break up for good. Just some time needed away from each other, so we can settle into our own, and pay off bills and splurge on ourselves. That's what she told me, but honestly, I'm already doing that, and I love splurgin' on her. How I wish that money did not overpower everyone. MONEY is the boss of everyone. People need it to survive in this world.

I'm not bickering and bursting into tears anymore, but I'm still a bit sad about this break. It's difficult not saying that things that you want to say, like "baby, princess, or I love you!" Hopefully, this relationship will be reconciled sometime soon. I'm a bit fatigued and fragile at the moment with everything that has been going on. I need to work out, get some energy, and get stronger. I need school to be done with already. I need a vacation.

I will NEVER stop loving you and I will NEVER try. My heart has always been with you.

A little prayer before I sleep.

Thank you LORD for everything that you have provided for me.
I realize that everything can't be perfect and only by learning through mistakes, we shall realize and correct what we did wrong.
I'm so thankful for the life you have given me, even though sometimes, I wish I wasn't born.
Please help me get through my troubles and the future that lies ahead.
And please watch over my familiy, my friends, Jaina, and even the bad people around the world.
Amen.

Good night everyone.