My sobbing and secluding myself from everyone has gotten me no where in life. And that's why, I'm moving on. I am currently a bachelor again, and I'm not proud of it. I love Jaina a lot, but all I can do is just give her the spacethat she needs. I have been doing too much right now, and I'm realizing this. I'm only pushing her further and further away from me. It's just as of right now, we're not feeling that same connection. I wish I could make it up to her, and I'm slowly doing this.
I'm really glad that we ended up on good terms because I can talk to her about anything. She has always been a best friend and someone that has always been there for me for these past couple of years together. And I'll be returning the favor. I love her to death, and even if we end up as being just friends is better than not having her in my life at all. Will this story end up happy ever after? Only time will tell the future of this outcome.
But as I got home from work, I had to tell my mom the news about Jaina and I's recent split. It was tear dropping for me. As much as I had to say it, I didn't want to because I wanted to hold on to her so much. But after talking with her, she relaxed me and told me it wasn't the end of the world. That's really what I wanted to hear from her. The comfort of a loving mother, how I love her dearly. Anyways, she had told me that this is just something that I must overcome in order to become a stronger individual. Just one of many challenges life has to offer. So far, I'm holding my ground, and I'm letting go of something I held on to tightly. As she moves on, I shall also. Come to think about it, I'm still at a young age of 22. We have plenty of time on our hands, and time will tell.
What's next for me? I just have to move on. Sometimes, things happen for a reason, and time is the only cure for it. I'll always keep in contact with my ex-fiancee/best friend. And I can always talk to her about anything. From everyone else, thank you for the love and support for getting me through this tough time. I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart, as it's slowly trying to rebuild.
To Jaina: I hope things will work out for the best. I know that I haven't always done the brightest things, but I try hard to make-up for them. This time, it'll take some time to work out, and I understand your decision. You will always have and be in my heart. I'll always be here for you know matter what. You know who to talk to. It's hard to let go, and I'll definitely be missing all the good memories. But, I know that we'll continue to talk in the long run. I miss you so much and love your with all my hearts content.
Life is an obstacle. We must overcome them to be STRONGER individuals.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
All Is Not Lost
I have to admit, I have been pretty miserable these past two days, and come to think about it, I could never really last long with breaks. It's just hard for me to adapt from being constantly together, then to not see her or say, "I love you!", or give hugs and kisses. But everything is ok now. I talked to Jaina about a half an hour before this post and I told her everything that I had on my mind. And I'm glad that I did that because now, my mind feels a bit more free. I realized that everything that went bad was because of me. I have said and done the stupidest things that caused our first break up, and that didn't end up too well. I ended up failing almost every course that I took during that semester. I was just so depressed for the remaining year; it happened last year. And now that it was a new year, I completely blanked my mind out from everything that happened last year and I wanted to start off nice and fresh. But a couple of months into it, she wasn't happy. Just me doing this, me doing that. It just seems that everything I do isn't enough for her. I'm not sure what to do. All I can do is just express how much she means to me, and how much I want to spend my life with her.
But worst came to worst and she just couldn't take it. Honestly, she's right. We do need a break. And I'm just pushing her to take me back because I'm afraid that there might not be a next time. I truly want to be with her for the rest of my life, and if this is the only way that I could prove to her that this time will be different, then I shall do whatever it takes to have her back in my life. To get settle things down in my dilemma, I have resorted to the BIBLE. I have been reading the BIBLE on my iPhone, which is great because it's compatible and I'm always on that piece of technology. I'm just hooked like a fish, or a cigarette smoker, or alcoholic; well you know what I mean. Anyways, I have began reading from Genesis, and I'm currently on the 4th chapter. Man, I love my iPhone.
Anyway, this break up is not totally a break up for good. Just some time needed away from each other, so we can settle into our own, and pay off bills and splurge on ourselves. That's what she told me, but honestly, I'm already doing that, and I love splurgin' on her. How I wish that money did not overpower everyone. MONEY is the boss of everyone. People need it to survive in this world.
I'm not bickering and bursting into tears anymore, but I'm still a bit sad about this break. It's difficult not saying that things that you want to say, like "baby, princess, or I love you!" Hopefully, this relationship will be reconciled sometime soon. I'm a bit fatigued and fragile at the moment with everything that has been going on. I need to work out, get some energy, and get stronger. I need school to be done with already. I need a vacation.
I will NEVER stop loving you and I will NEVER try. My heart has always been with you.
A little prayer before I sleep.
Thank you LORD for everything that you have provided for me.
I realize that everything can't be perfect and only by learning through mistakes, we shall realize and correct what we did wrong.
I'm so thankful for the life you have given me, even though sometimes, I wish I wasn't born.
Please help me get through my troubles and the future that lies ahead.
And please watch over my familiy, my friends, Jaina, and even the bad people around the world.
Amen.
Good night everyone.
But worst came to worst and she just couldn't take it. Honestly, she's right. We do need a break. And I'm just pushing her to take me back because I'm afraid that there might not be a next time. I truly want to be with her for the rest of my life, and if this is the only way that I could prove to her that this time will be different, then I shall do whatever it takes to have her back in my life. To get settle things down in my dilemma, I have resorted to the BIBLE. I have been reading the BIBLE on my iPhone, which is great because it's compatible and I'm always on that piece of technology. I'm just hooked like a fish, or a cigarette smoker, or alcoholic; well you know what I mean. Anyways, I have began reading from Genesis, and I'm currently on the 4th chapter. Man, I love my iPhone.
Anyway, this break up is not totally a break up for good. Just some time needed away from each other, so we can settle into our own, and pay off bills and splurge on ourselves. That's what she told me, but honestly, I'm already doing that, and I love splurgin' on her. How I wish that money did not overpower everyone. MONEY is the boss of everyone. People need it to survive in this world.
I'm not bickering and bursting into tears anymore, but I'm still a bit sad about this break. It's difficult not saying that things that you want to say, like "baby, princess, or I love you!" Hopefully, this relationship will be reconciled sometime soon. I'm a bit fatigued and fragile at the moment with everything that has been going on. I need to work out, get some energy, and get stronger. I need school to be done with already. I need a vacation.
I will NEVER stop loving you and I will NEVER try. My heart has always been with you.
A little prayer before I sleep.
Thank you LORD for everything that you have provided for me.
I realize that everything can't be perfect and only by learning through mistakes, we shall realize and correct what we did wrong.
I'm so thankful for the life you have given me, even though sometimes, I wish I wasn't born.
Please help me get through my troubles and the future that lies ahead.
And please watch over my familiy, my friends, Jaina, and even the bad people around the world.
Amen.
Good night everyone.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Love is Painful
Just as the title claims, "Love is Painful." After talking and reminiscing good ol' times with a couple co-workers, well, more like friends, Yul and Jared, I decided to talk to who was at the time, my girlfriend/fiancee. We decided, that things weren't working out as expected, so we decided to go our seperate ways for awhile. I was pretty sad to see her slip away from my fingers, and especially away from my heart. But what can I do?...Nothing really. But I have been with her for about 2 years and 10 months before we broke up. My heart has definitely shattered and disintegrated into nothing but dust. I would really love to grow old with her, but only time will tell. Maybe we're not meant to be? Well, I'm trying to move on because I don't want to be a burden to her any longer. My mind is just scrambling everywhere! And I just need a shoulder to cry on because I'm hurt.
All I can do now is concentrate on school and hopefully things will come into play. There's no doubt that I'll always love her, and she always has someone to talk to. I just can't help but reminisce about the good and the bad of our relationship.
I leave you off on a good note...this is all about the teachings of life. And happy endings don't always occur.
Just a couple of pictures from yesterday.
Jared's order.
Ulster's order.
Ulster's drink because he couldn't drink beer. Sorry man.
Kirin Beer is super SMOOOTTTHHH!! And don't forget Jared!
And my order. Small, but I was pretty full off of it.
Life's teachings are unpredictable. Cherish what you have before you lose them.
All I can do now is concentrate on school and hopefully things will come into play. There's no doubt that I'll always love her, and she always has someone to talk to. I just can't help but reminisce about the good and the bad of our relationship.
I leave you off on a good note...this is all about the teachings of life. And happy endings don't always occur.
Just a couple of pictures from yesterday.
Jared's order.
Ulster's order.
Ulster's drink because he couldn't drink beer. Sorry man.
Kirin Beer is super SMOOOTTTHHH!! And don't forget Jared!
And my order. Small, but I was pretty full off of it.
Life's teachings are unpredictable. Cherish what you have before you lose them.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Free From My Shackles!!!
October 11, 2007, I officially got my brackets removed from my mouf! Boy, was I stoked. It was the weirdest feeling in my mouth after it was removed. I told Jared this earlier, "I feel like i can talk quicker, like I can rap as fast as Twista with all of this weight off!" Yeah right, I wish I could. That was the highlight of my day.
But moments later, when imprisoned in work, I talked to the new HR because I was about an hour early. I decided to head up to work right after my appointment because I was low on gas (getting really expensive and hurting the hell out of my pockets). Anyway, the new HR's name is Jessie. She's a chick, and for some reason, I just wasn't feelin her. I told her about my situation and how I needed a raise. So she pulled out my file, and she saw that I had an attendance problem that ended on April 2007. That was about a 5 months ago. I asked her if that was the reason that I haven't been getting a raise, and she said, "Yes!" They she said this in her exact words, "If I were the district manager, I would not approve you for this raise." So I told her, "If that's the case, then I'm going to quit!" I was really upset when I heard that from her mouth. I just wanted to argue with her about how much dedication I put into my job, basically all of my heart and soul. It's just upsetting that managers can't appreciate good help. Everything was going smoothly before Donovan's fat ass came through the store. It's his fault everything is so fucked up.
I talked to Ron, a co-worker in my department about the situation, and also Ernie. They were bummed and infuritated at the fact that she would say something like that. I guess Ron, told my supervisor, Jeff about the whole situation. Jeff talked to me and told me that he'll talk to Donovan on Saturday about the situation. Jeff also had something else to tell me. He had told me that when he first brought up the raise to Donovan and Theresa, they're excuse was that everyone was getting their hours cut, so he wouldn't approve anyone for a raise. The first thing that came to my mind was, "Bullshit!" For some reason, I think Donovan is just racist.
So today, was also Vince's (lot technician), a good buddy of mine from high school, last day at the Depot. Congratulations for him!! How lucky he is to get away from such a terrible store. For some reason, I think Donovan doesn't know how hard we fuckin work. I wish that Robert, our previous store manager was still around, and the other ASM's...Pedro, Todd, and other's I forgot to mention. They were the sickest staff I have ever worked with. I was cool with everyone of them.
Well, If nothing comes about from Jeff's talk with Donovan, I'll be putting in my two weeks and looking for a job elsewhere. Hopefully, I'll be able to find one right away.
I just had to get this one in: Someone at the Depot, not telling any names...Ron...told me that the reason why Robert moved to the Encinitas stores was because him and Theresa had something going on. And the funny thing is, Theresa is training to be a store manager at Encinitas. Coincidence?! I guess so. Fuck that bitch!! She never did anything for me, and I hope that she fails at everything she does. Seriously!
I'll leave you off with something positive.
Before Pictures:
My fat face and my braces:
After Pictures:
My fit face and NO braces:
YESSIR!! FRESH TO DEF!!
I leave you with a song that'll "PUT YOU TO BED"
GOOD NIGHT! :)
But moments later, when imprisoned in work, I talked to the new HR because I was about an hour early. I decided to head up to work right after my appointment because I was low on gas (getting really expensive and hurting the hell out of my pockets). Anyway, the new HR's name is Jessie. She's a chick, and for some reason, I just wasn't feelin her. I told her about my situation and how I needed a raise. So she pulled out my file, and she saw that I had an attendance problem that ended on April 2007. That was about a 5 months ago. I asked her if that was the reason that I haven't been getting a raise, and she said, "Yes!" They she said this in her exact words, "If I were the district manager, I would not approve you for this raise." So I told her, "If that's the case, then I'm going to quit!" I was really upset when I heard that from her mouth. I just wanted to argue with her about how much dedication I put into my job, basically all of my heart and soul. It's just upsetting that managers can't appreciate good help. Everything was going smoothly before Donovan's fat ass came through the store. It's his fault everything is so fucked up.
I talked to Ron, a co-worker in my department about the situation, and also Ernie. They were bummed and infuritated at the fact that she would say something like that. I guess Ron, told my supervisor, Jeff about the whole situation. Jeff talked to me and told me that he'll talk to Donovan on Saturday about the situation. Jeff also had something else to tell me. He had told me that when he first brought up the raise to Donovan and Theresa, they're excuse was that everyone was getting their hours cut, so he wouldn't approve anyone for a raise. The first thing that came to my mind was, "Bullshit!" For some reason, I think Donovan is just racist.
So today, was also Vince's (lot technician), a good buddy of mine from high school, last day at the Depot. Congratulations for him!! How lucky he is to get away from such a terrible store. For some reason, I think Donovan doesn't know how hard we fuckin work. I wish that Robert, our previous store manager was still around, and the other ASM's...Pedro, Todd, and other's I forgot to mention. They were the sickest staff I have ever worked with. I was cool with everyone of them.
Well, If nothing comes about from Jeff's talk with Donovan, I'll be putting in my two weeks and looking for a job elsewhere. Hopefully, I'll be able to find one right away.
I just had to get this one in: Someone at the Depot, not telling any names...Ron...told me that the reason why Robert moved to the Encinitas stores was because him and Theresa had something going on. And the funny thing is, Theresa is training to be a store manager at Encinitas. Coincidence?! I guess so. Fuck that bitch!! She never did anything for me, and I hope that she fails at everything she does. Seriously!
I'll leave you off with something positive.
Before Pictures:
My fat face and my braces:
After Pictures:
My fit face and NO braces:
YESSIR!! FRESH TO DEF!!
I leave you with a song that'll "PUT YOU TO BED"
GOOD NIGHT! :)
Monday, October 8, 2007
Golly Gosh Darn it
I just recently asked for another raise. And if I don't get it, I am really going to quit this time. This underappreciation is pushing me to the limits, and nothing is being done. This is my second time writing this stupid little summary on why I deserve a raise. If these people actually walked around the building, instead of staying in their stupid little offices, then they would know how much effort I put into everything I do. But the only thing that's holding me back is leaving all the great co-workers, turned into friends. I have made such good relationships with everyone there...joking, laughing, just having fun. And that's how work should be...Fun! Anyways, I didn't get the job as a Personal Trainer, and I haven't heard anything from Oreck Vacuum. I want to be a salesman there, and I could be darn good at it. Looks very simple and easy to learn. How hard could it be? Harder than Plumbing? I highly doubt that. And plus, they don't have a lot of inventory to remember and not to forget, stock. These two people have done nothing for me. Not to name any names...Donovan...Theresa...I HATE BOTH OF YOU, AND I HOPE THAT YOU FAIL IN WHATEVER YOU DO! Seriously, I'm glad that Theresa our HR is leaving, because she's such a pain. And Donovan...such a lazy waste of flesh and blood...and fat!! Get out of your chair, off your butt, and do something...geez!!
Well, I'm slowly getting out of the Jordan game, well just decreasing my shoe collection in order to make some space in my room which is slowly being renovated; contractors are extending my room, adding about 3 feet. Can't wait!! And I'll also be installing my ceiling fan after everything is completed. It'll be my own little project, and not to mention, free of charge! Sorry Ulster, I'm slowly leaving Jordan's...well, just getting rid of Jordan's that are common nowadays. But I'm holding on to my Laser IV's and Mocha III's. I'm still wanting those Black Laser IV's and I'll also be looking for another pair of DS or VNDS Infrared VI's. I just traded for a pair of kicks. OG Jordan VIII's (white/black) and VNDS Laney V's. Can't wait. for these to arrive. I don't know If I'll be rocking the VIII's...maybe use them as basketball shoes...not really sure what I want to do with these yet...probably sell em for some much needed cash. Anyway, I want to take another trip to NY...so i can get two hot dogs and their famous drinks for $3.99. Use to be $2.99. Anyways, I'm fiending for some hot dogs. I leave you with this picture.
Oh, how I miss NYC...Can't wait for the next trip. I miss you Grey's Papaya!
Well, I'm slowly getting out of the Jordan game, well just decreasing my shoe collection in order to make some space in my room which is slowly being renovated; contractors are extending my room, adding about 3 feet. Can't wait!! And I'll also be installing my ceiling fan after everything is completed. It'll be my own little project, and not to mention, free of charge! Sorry Ulster, I'm slowly leaving Jordan's...well, just getting rid of Jordan's that are common nowadays. But I'm holding on to my Laser IV's and Mocha III's. I'm still wanting those Black Laser IV's and I'll also be looking for another pair of DS or VNDS Infrared VI's. I just traded for a pair of kicks. OG Jordan VIII's (white/black) and VNDS Laney V's. Can't wait. for these to arrive. I don't know If I'll be rocking the VIII's...maybe use them as basketball shoes...not really sure what I want to do with these yet...probably sell em for some much needed cash. Anyway, I want to take another trip to NY...so i can get two hot dogs and their famous drinks for $3.99. Use to be $2.99. Anyways, I'm fiending for some hot dogs. I leave you with this picture.
Oh, how I miss NYC...Can't wait for the next trip. I miss you Grey's Papaya!
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