Time To Think of Myself

I have been too over-passive with my careless is sharing and I feel as if I am never rewarded or at least acknowledged for it. It seems like I always have to beg, or defend my case, and when I do, all I get is optimism and negative feedback from others. Things like that lower my self-esteem and decrease my level of interactive performance. I guess it's my halt for not putting my foot down and putting restrictions. But I feel that if I put restrictions, she pressures me, or makes me out to be the person that is just like the last boyfriend. So in conclusion, I'm being walked all over. I have no sense of control over a person, people choose their own destiny. And honestly, all I want to do is help, and I expect the same in return.

I work hard for everything I do, everything I receive, everything I disperse. I feel this sense of insecurity when I'm with my girl at the clubs Downtown. Why? Because 1, I got my heart broken over a promoter, and 2, I feel like something like that could happen again. But can you blame me for acting this way? I hope not. I'm beginning to ponder whether I am a good boyfriend. I feel that I need to stay up on this level. I can't be the person who I was and I need to adapt to who I want to become now, and that is a stronger individual.

I can't blame others, that's just the east way out. I can only blame myself.

A New Swagger!

So overconfidence is actually good. People like overconfidence. If you don't back up your facts, then oveconfidence fades quickly to insecurity. Well, I believe that a swagger is to be earned, and also through networking, but mainly by working hard. That's just my work ethic. And being people-friendly by spelaing your mind and not being shy (like how I used to back in the day).

I believe I have confidence in my abilities performing to the top of my level at my current job every day I'm there. Just overconfident. Anyways, I also think that the clothes that I wear, this new steez is encouraging my self-esteem, building my confidence.

Besides everything, I missed Jasmine's son, Jayson's b-day bash. But I was stuck @ work and totally forgot about it. My friend Ulster reminded me, but I had already took my break. Sorry Jasmine, I totally forgot. If I only see you more @ work. How I miss the days of being a cashier, just talking and having such a good time.

To my buddy Ulster, I miss you bro. Hope all is well in school. Let's grab sushi, or Hooters and hit up some shops.

As far as my love life goes, I couldn't be any happier. My heart is slowly stitching up, and slowly healing. Love is slowly but surely getting to where it belongs, but I can't get too comfortable. I'm always on my toes.

One Love.

Sometimes...

I feel that there's been a love loss. I guess it's because I'm afraid to have me heart shattered again. Remember? I surely could. I felt like staying home, locking myself in my room, and overdosing on some pills. Not a great way to end your life right?

I would never think about doing that, unless something tragically happened, you know what I'm saying. I'm a very emotional person and I think that by expressing your emotions to other individuals, whether they're your close friends and family or not, expressing your emotions will get things off of your chest. Like you can confide in someone and they can tell you what you need or want to know.

Love is incredible and terrible. You can feel like your on top of the world, and the next, in the taverns of burning fire in hell. It's definitely a roller coaster ride.

My "Great Wall of China" is up as a defense mechanism because honestly, I don't want to feel that way again. I'm still upset, still trying to get over it, and still thinking about it. It's hard to believe that something like that would happen. But I guess things happen for a reason.

God puts you through tests in life, and I feel that this definitely molded me into a stronger individual. I take a look at myself in the mirror and see a person I haven't seen before. A more confident individual that won't stop for anyone (depending on the situation of course).

Sometimes I feel that independence and solitarity let's you think about what you want to do with your life. I'm thankful that I'm alive in this world, but I also wish that I could go back in time and do some of the things in the past differently. But all in all, you live and you learn.

That's life.

Now back to studying for my Anatomy & Physiology practical coming up. Wish me luck.




Don't force love, let love come to you.

Over The Freakin' FLU

So it all began on a Monday. Over the weekend, my girl caught this viral disease from a friend of mine. It was terrible because my girl had a burning forehead, a congested cough, runny nose, body pains, etc. So I stayed home on Monday of February 4th to take care of my poor baby that was sick.

Throughout the day, I tended to her every need, continually asking if she needed anything and offering things that may make her feel better. I stayed with her the whole day because that's how much dedication and love I have for her. Besides all that, I was feeling kind of queezy myself.

The following day, I woke up with the most major headache ever! I was feeling really cold so I put on a layer of clothes on. I didn't want to miss my lab for Anatomy so I went and left immediately after taking my quiz. I went over to my girl's house to continue to take care of her, and the next thing you know, I get this major coughs that hit my chest hard. But I do everything I can to cater to her every needs. It wasn't too serious at that point, so I put in every amount of energy I could expend.

The next day, Wednesday, I couldn't make it to school. I was just too sick and physically drained. I didn't have any type of energy to get up and move, with the exception of heading over to Jaina's house.

I then found out that I was extremely sick, and I was out for 2 weeks. It was terrible. I blamed Jacque for it because she didn't stay home and get herself better, and instead, she passed it on. It's contagious and it can definitely put a lot of pain on a person or get someone really really sick. It was terrible and I never want that to happen again anytime soon.

FLU, go away!

So What's New?

Nothing honestly. Just been doing the same old thing for the past couple of years. And hoenstly, I'm sick and tired of this routine, but I must stick to it in order to graduate from college and stay in balance with work.

There were a couple of events that I went to, my homegirl Ayeen DJ'd at The Shaker Room Martini Ranch at the Gaslamp District Downtown. Her choices of music to mix was dope! got a couple of pictures and a video of her work.

DJ Ayeena @ Bliss Fridays





I just took an exam for my anatomy class that I think I failed badly.

All in all, I have more to study for my practical.

siyonara.

The Day Before Valentine's

There is much to do and prepare for, and it's very stressful. But in the end, it's all worth it. I hope that tomorrow will go my way and everything will turn out the way I want it to go.

Valentine's Day is the day to spend with a special person, doesn't have to be your girlfriend or whatever, just someone that you want to spend the day with. So don't be shy, and get out there and ask someone on a date. And do something out of the ordinary. Do something sweet and fun at the same time.

Anyhow, wish me luck for I hope that everything turns out perfect or somewhat perfect.

Happy early Valentine's Day!

I'm SICCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!

I am currently diagnosed with a viral disease that I caught from my girl. I have a slight fever with a killer cough! Sucks major butt. But whatever. I just hope that it doesn't get any worse than it already is.

Anyways, I gave up cursing for Lent, but I totally forgot to go to church for Ash Wednesday. I guess I was too sick to realize it. But remember, NO MEAT tomorrow!!

Oh, I also picked up a pair of Tier 0 New Balance's from my buddies over @ facevalue. I love 'em. I'll post up pictures shortly of my latest collection of kicks followed by the completion of my newly extended room. A lot bigger than before. And the walk in closet is dooopppeeee!! Now there will be nothing by cleanliness in my room. No lose things underneath my bed. It'll just be stored in my closet.

I also got me 2 Lacoste Cardigans and 1 Lacoste Sweater. I will be returning for the last of the Lacoste Cardigans. I shall have them all...haha!!

SALE!!

My buddies over at Willy's Workshop and facevalue are having a sale going on. facevalue's last day is today and Willy's Workshop will be going on for a little longer.



I need to get rid of this sickness.
I need new jeans.
I need new gear.
I need new shoes.
I want it all.